I have come to realize that I will never be whole. I have hidden little pieces of me all over this world, kept secret by my memories and thoughts. I lurk in foggy pine forests of Nové Hamry, in the underground caves of the Etna, in an alley café somewhere deep in Amsterdam. I will forever have little parts of me scattered about this world, and someday I will find them, and visit with each, but will never be able to sew them all back together. I am okay with this, at least I have started to accept it. The people I have met will never all be in one place, and though that fact is saddening, it’s also clarifying. This is what happens when you travel, you become more than just one person. People know you by different names, different parts of your story, and thus, you increase your being.
I think that it’s a amazing, beautiful realization that I can go back to cities, to people that will remind me of my past. It’s like getting to visit yourself again, your old self, and all the inside jokes and confessions and stories that you told each other. Getting to see my friends for the first time in two years, from my exchange in New Zealand, brought back so many emotions and memories. It’s such an indescribable feeling, like you can see again after months of haze.
Amsterdam is one of the most beautiful cities I have ever seen. Usually when you see pictures of places, then actually visit them, it’s much different. Amsterdam is exactly how it is depicted. Small cafes line the streets, coffee shops, beautiful storefronts, the colours are bright and architecture delicate. It’s like stepping into a dream, but you can touch it and breathe in the aromatic scents of stroopwafel and Speculaas cookies. It’s so clean, and lively, with smiling people in brightly coloured clothing. I fell in love again.
I was so happy to get to see my girls, and in four days we saw Eindhoven, Rotterdam, Amsterdam, Breda, Brussels and Liège! I am still not quite over how easy it is to travel in Europe, simply catch a train and you’re in a new country in an hour. Northern Europe is very clean and busy, with bustling crowds and laughing children. It rained a lot, but that didn’t stop our adventures. I tried the best beer I’ve ever had in Belgium, and the waffles were exquisite, piled high with cream, strawberries and chocolate. Street performers were abundant and quite talented.
There is this phenomenon that happens to you as you travel. You gain the realization that there are so many people, each with a story, a history and a future. We are incredible lucky to have the ability to be conscious of our own self, of emotions, and desires. I feel so fortunate to be alive, and to have the opportunity to see the world, to meet these people and be intertwined with their story for an amount of time.
Although I will never stop traveling, it has given me an appreciation for home. It’s been a little over six months since I have seen my family, my friends, and I definitely feel that pull becoming stronger. The evergreen and oak forests are calling my name and I am beginning to listen closer. This world is a beautiful place, but sometimes home is so deeply etched in our skin that we gravitate back. I think what I am trying to say is that I have learned to appreciate each second of every day, night, and moment that I’m alive. Even the hard ones, because they teach you the most.